THIS IS NOT SATIRE.
Rep. Barry Moore posted a video of himself on Facebook behind the counter at a gun shop. It’s a boring video. In it, he’s mumbling about how the AR-15 semi-automatic rifle (aka assault weapon) is the most popular in America today. The video is so boring it’s easy to miss the part where Moore says the AR-15 should be the “national gun” of America.
If you’ve been following the news, you know the AR-15 has also distinguished itself as the weapon of choice for school shooters in America — something Moore fails to mention in his video.
There’s just something about an assault weapon
The specific configuration of an AR-15 is the thing that allows this rifle to create damage far above what a rifle can typically do. That’s because, with this modified version, the shooter can do more than wound; he can make mince meat of his target by rapidly shooting bullets repeatedly without the pesky and time-consuming task of reloading, thus allowing him the ability to obliterate entire organs or sections of bodies.
If you’re talking about an adult, you could take out a liver, lung, or an arm— with a kid, heck, you could probably take his whole head off! Perhaps even cut him in half!
So efficient! So well-designed!
Moore’s fascination with this marvel of mechanics ends with his announcement that, given the popularity of the AR-15 in America today, it’s only logical that it be named America’s “national gun.”
Didn’t you know we needed a national gun?
Me neither. At least Moore is looking for a way to turn the deaths of schoolchildren into a win. That’s something.
And you can’t blame him for being impressed with this amazing weapon. You could easily murder approximately three times the number of people you can kill with the average rifle. So you can see why the AR-15 is the clear front-runner for Republicans.
They love that gun so much that they’ve taken to sporting jewelry to commemorate their love: lapel pins and tie clips. (Naturally, you can buy them on Amazon.) The creativity is astounding.
And is anyone surprised that the most creative member of the House — a man so creative he fabricated his entire identity—is putting his weight and influence behind this bill?
Yes, George Santos is backing the bill to create a national gun.
Birds, flowers, and trees are not enough — if we want the world to know what America is all about, we can forget eagles, roses, oak trees, and apple pie — heck, forget baseball too.
Thanks to the Republican members of the 117th Congress, we now have the one thing we’ve always needed: an assault weapon to tell the world who we really are.