Trump Thinks Civil Servants Should Work in Factories

It’s Trump’s latest brilliant idea — and it solves everything

Editorial rights purchased from iStock. Photo by dusanpetkovic.

If you've been worried about your job and you are one of the tens of thousands of civil servants who have been trained for a position in government, your worries are over!

Thanks to our GREAT leader, you’ll only need to deal with unemployment and the loss of your life’s savings for another few years. Then, like magic, you and millions of others will be given the opportunity of a lifetime: you’ll be allowed to apply for a job in a factory or warehouse. And the best part is that you won’t need any training.

That’s right, you’ll have to be able to put tiny little screws into tiny little holes, or maybe bend over all day lifting containers, or maybe work on some assembly line where you’ll be required to perform one simple repetitive motion hundreds of times a day, but that’s it! No additional skills necessary.

Just think how much easier your life will be. No more thinking, no more decisions, no more challenges — unless you count the challenge of boredom, various aches and pains that inevitably accompany repetitive tasks, lack of affordable healthcare, and the inability to afford decent housing or access to educational resources for your kids.

But you’ll have job security! Besides, wouldn’t you rather work until you die than rely on a “handout” from the government, like that Ponzi scheme, Social Security?

Let’s face it, only lazy people want to stop working at 65 or 75. The Trump administration has it all figured out. And they are on it! They will ensure that all of you have job security until you die. What could be better?

Who wants to die in a comfortable bed surrounded by loved ones? Better to drop dead on the factory floor and let the janitor haul you away. That’s a full life, right there. Contributing to the welfare of corporate titans right up until the end — that’s something you can be proud of.

And don’t worry about your kids. They don’t need an education. They’ll be doing the same menial work you will spend the rest of your life doing. Let’s not complicate things. All an education would do is give them a reason to be unhappy — make them think about everything they will never do or have. Better leave that for the wealthy elite, who have everything and can afford to ponder their good fortune.

If factory work doesn’t suit you, you can always join the military. There is no greater sacrifice than dying for Trump and his billionaire friends. They won’t attend your funeral, and they’ll probably ridicule you for being “suckers and losers” but you might get to travel before your head is blown off or you lose a limb. For those who can’t handle factory work, the military a terrific option.

You might also be allowed to do manual labor — and you’ll have to prove your mettle for that. But don’t worry because the government will decide if you are fit enough for that option.

Choice is overrated anyway. Going forward, the government will make all the critical decisions for you.

And ladies, won’t it be nice to finally be able to stay at home again, making pies and babies? You’ll be a lot better off than you are now, working alongside men who harass, dismiss, and diminish you. You’ll never have to worry about being respected again. You’ll be worshipped for your ability to reproduce. And if you can’t do that, you’ll be given a factory job too — where you will be reminded every day of your inadequacy as a woman. It’s only fair. You must suffer the consequences if you can’t do what God intended.

(Honestly, what kind of world would we have if we let women do whatever they wanted?)

Finally, all your spiritual needs will be met by the Church of Trump, where all are welcome. Just kneel to the golden statue of the Orange One and pray for his benevolence. If you are hurting, He will tell you that your pain means nothing; if you are sad, He will remind you that life is sadness, and there is nothing He can do about that; and if you are struggling, He will tell you to ‘buck up’ because nobody likes a whiner.

But know this — and this is very important: if you question Him, you’ll be sent to the Gulag.

So keep your head down, forget everything you know, and you’ll be just fine — relatively speaking.